tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
