we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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