I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
