dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
