I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
