plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
