He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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