The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
