so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's the barista slut.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
