I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
