They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
