I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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