I skipped work to stalk him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
