SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Who died my cat blue again?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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