we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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