Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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