Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
