I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
