Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
