During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
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Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.