So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
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See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs