Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?