ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so explain again why im purple
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.