it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax