What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?