my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector