Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did I show you my penis last night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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