I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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