Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
