So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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