And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
