I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
