Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
