I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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