remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My feet surprised me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
