dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
