he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
