I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
