it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
