ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
