Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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