Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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