Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
