hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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