i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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