It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
