apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
