I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
