So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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