very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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