FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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