I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just gargled with NyQuil
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
