Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
