So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
