i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
