her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just found puke in my bra..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
