i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
