please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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