News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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