Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
