Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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