Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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