so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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