I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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