Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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