I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
