i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?