I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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