I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Come see our sink grown plant.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
