When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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