I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We got so high we made milksteak
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
