I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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