i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
