Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if only i could text you this smell
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
