She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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