He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
